i did tell myself to control and change myself because of you.
i had the heart to change,
all because of you.
reason;
i found out how much i love you,
how much i need you,
how much i miss you,
for that 1 week plus in malaysia.
it was just how i told you in the msg.
knew you'll be happy and relieve hearing your girlfriend making this decision.
the first sight i saw you, i'm really very happy.
i knew i kept on pushing you away,
partly because i'm just playing with you,
secondly, it's too sudden as for a week didn't close.
that's all...

i wore those short clothes doesn't prove i don't love you, i've changed.
i'll be hurt and sad too, by the way you said your girlfriend.
i know it's for my own good.
but i also dont know how to answer you.


i really want to have a simple, unstressful, no quarrels, peace, filled with loves, cares, more.



but,
it's fragile, bad.


i really love you very deep.
true
not lying

since how long i've posted ?
ya, seems to be quite aperiod of time blogging here.
i don't like to blog here too, as if i blog here, means there're quarrels with him.
however, though it's been a long period of time i blog here, we still had quarrels in between these months, weeks, day . . .
i became, don't dare to blog about our quarrels.
as, we seemed to quarrel frequently. the problem that caused us quarrel, seemed to be similar.
hmmmm , treating you sweeter than any other, which was the past few days, really sweeten into my heart, deep inside.
however, those cruel sms'es which you sent to me on friday, really hurt me deep into my heart.
however, i don't seem to bother the bad things.
so many bad things happened so easily between us, seemed that we're so weak in this relationship ? is that so ?
i don't know . . .
i felt my heart so tight inside, seemed to have many undiscovered and sad things inside.
feeling so uncomfortable, and having a scared and fearful feelings every second.
could not get rid of that fear feeling inside my heart for years.
so xin ku . . .

maybe, i'm the cause of everything. i apologise, whether is it me or not ?
you want to accept it, as you wish.
i know you're very disappointed in me, no longer as trustful liked the past.
then . . . ? i don't know what else to add in.
just know that inside my heart, the feelings are undescribable . . .
sometimes, things can't be say clearly between two parties.
by the way, really dont know what to say.

good bye then . . .

iloveyou

i'm missing Au Yong Wei De like HELL le ar!!!
oh my goodness!!
darling, missing you for so many many days leh.
hahas! just because you can't use computer pei me :XX
but not your fault anyway.
is just that, I'M MISSING YOU!
faster faster come back babi.!!!!!
qingai de LAOGONG...
waiting for you~

bye.

im just wondering and thinking... am i giving what you wanted? happiness? i find myself always causing you in bad things in all sorts of ways. when we're in quarrelling states, the words you said made me think that in the one causing. and IM NOT BLAMING YOU! dont think that way. it's just my thinking. i feel so guilty and bad. i think that i was liked so bad. dont know what to do. nothing else that can do for you. what shall i do leh?
yes, i admit these few days i've been very irritated by the things that kept bothering my mind. im scared, im confused, im sad and hurt. i still dont know what path to choose. im stucked in the middle. dont feel guilty as you're not the one causing out. if there isn't you with you, if i nvr choose to be with you, i wont be as happy, and you wont be the one who i can find to talk out my heart. =) you're my closest. i donno who to find anymore. as my cousins they all leaving. i really feel lonely :( im not as close with the girls. hmmm. i can feel. i really sometimes feel lonely man... fan nao of my studies etc. :)) dont know seh.
for you, i kept making you sad, hurting you once again and again, non-stop. nvr gave you what you wanted. seriously. it's been 1years plus le. you know very clearly of everything..

shall say no more. step by step bah =)) ily babi muackz :DD

thanks for your everything, babi.
they're all my precious, and i'll treasure them for life.
our life being together, i'll never forget them, as they had became a memories to me.
difficult for me to forget.
they're as important too. you too.
i'll remember and wait for our 8 years yue ding.
hope things go by smoothly.
i love you babi.
thanks for your everything that you had given me. i love them the most.
take care when im not with you, beside you. i'll always take care of you in my heart. it's forever. no regrets being with you. you're the one make me realised what's love, which i'll never forget. :) thanks for accepting me. making me to prove to others that im not a flirt. you contribute alot on me. i really appreciate them man. I LOVE YOU! endlessly.

i love you darling
i love you babi
i love you hubby
i love you baobei
i love you hubb
i love you laogong
i love you qingai de
i love the presents you gave me, they're forever mine.
i love the letters you wrote to me, they're so touching and loving.
i love you white teeth, which i'll never forget
i love your hug, make me feel warmth.
i love your kiss, make me feel that you're always there for me.
i love your accompany, make me feel that you're always there to protect me.
i love your encouragement and console, make me feel comfortable and better,
nevertheless, i love you forever.

i love my parents
i love my dearest friends, females and males.
i love my siblings, cousins, etc.
i love my grandparents, for sure.
i love and treasure my everything that i had.

thats for all. and i'll treasure my life with no regrets.

i'm confused now. i don't know what i want, what i can do for the present.
which side do i treasure the most? which one is the most precious to me?
seriously, i've been thinking of these. these things had been following me since last year.
i don't know whether i want to be an angel or a devil?!
how i wish this can be solved as soon as possible by the methods of peacemakers.
i dont want either side to be hurt. yes, i know it'll definitely happen to both sides. but if there is good ways, how i wish i could use them. in exchange with me :/
last night, realised something, which made me unable to sleep well. i seriously hoped that it's not what i'm thinking of now. hope it's not something bad for the truth. i dont want! i dont want my family to be seperated. and i really dont believe he will do such things as i really believe him. PLEASE, HELP!
i dont wish to see anyone sad, hurt, or what so ever. any ideas on it??
why must it when i totally believe you le, putting my heart on you, and there's something bad blocking my way. is it an obstacle to overcome for me once again? shit it man.
sigh.. im so troubled. i love both sides. but i know one day, i'll still have to feel sorry on one of the side. sian... what should i do? i really feel like crying out my heart. i really need it!! :((( im feeling unpeace now. no peace for me. no happiness. no nothing for now. my life is really nothing le.
im sorry ma...
im sorry my darling...
im sorry to everyone...

MEY

jingChee
19september 1992
volleyballACE #03
YAYfamily
unavailable for anyone except him*

WISHLISTY

18o1o7
love my beloved
a memorable bdae every year

CHATY

EXITSY

Darling
JC
Ah de