ily

2009-02-03T19:13:00.002+08:00

i did tell myself to control and change myself because of you.
i had the heart to change,
all because of you.
reason;
i found out how much i love you,
how much i need you,
how much i miss you,
for that 1 week plus in malaysia.
it was just how i told you in the msg.
knew you'll be happy and relieve hearing your girlfriend making this decision.
the first sight i saw you, i'm really very happy.
i knew i kept on pushing you away,
partly because i'm just playing with you,
secondly, it's too sudden as for a week didn't close.
that's all...

i wore those short clothes doesn't prove i don't love you, i've changed.
i'll be hurt and sad too, by the way you said your girlfriend.
i know it's for my own good.
but i also dont know how to answer you.

i really want to have a simple, unstressful, no quarrels, peace, filled with loves, cares, more.

but,
it's fragile, bad.

i really love you very deep.
true
not lying

2008-07-03T20:57:00.002+08:00

since how long i've posted ?
ya, seems to be quite aperiod of time blogging here.
i don't like to blog here too, as if i blog here, means there're quarrels with him.
however, though it's been a long period of time i blog here, we still had quarrels in between these months, weeks, day . . .
i became, don't dare to blog about our quarrels.
as, we seemed to quarrel frequently. the problem that caused us quarrel, seemed to be similar.
hmmmm , treating you sweeter than any other, which was the past few days, really sweeten into my heart, deep inside.
however, those cruel sms'es which you sent to me on friday, really hurt me deep into my heart.
however, i don't seem to bother the bad things.
so many bad things happened so easily between us, seemed that we're so weak in this relationship ? is that so ?
i don't know . . .
i felt my heart so tight inside, seemed to have many undiscovered and sad things inside.
feeling so uncomfortable, and having a scared and fearful feelings every second.
could not get rid of that fear feeling inside my heart for years.
so xin ku . . .

maybe, i'm the cause of everything. i apologise, whether is it me or not ?
you want to accept it, as you wish.
i know you're very disappointed in me, no longer as trustful liked the past.
then . . . ? i don't know what else to add in.
just know that inside my heart, the feelings are undescribable . . .
sometimes, things can't be say clearly between two parties.
by the way, really dont know what to say.

good bye then . . .

iloveyou

2008-04-05T23:32:00.002+08:00

i'm missing Au Yong Wei De like HELL le ar!!!
oh my goodness!!
darling, missing you for so many many days leh.
hahas! just because you can't use computer pei me :XX
but not your fault anyway.
is just that, I'M MISSING YOU!
faster faster come back babi.!!!!!
qingai de LAOGONG...
waiting for you~

bye.

2008-03-04T17:56:00.002+08:00

im just wondering and thinking... am i giving what you wanted? happiness? i find myself always causing you in bad things in all sorts of ways. when we're in quarrelling states, the words you said made me think that in the one causing. and IM NOT BLAMING YOU! dont think that way. it's just my thinking. i feel so guilty and bad. i think that i was liked so bad. dont know what to do. nothing else that can do for you. what shall i do leh?
yes, i admit these few days i've been very irritated by the things that kept bothering my mind. im scared, im confused, im sad and hurt. i still dont know what path to choose. im stucked in the middle. dont feel guilty as you're not the one causing out. if there isn't you with you, if i nvr choose to be with you, i wont be as happy, and you wont be the one who i can find to talk out my heart. =) you're my closest. i donno who to find anymore. as my cousins they all leaving. i really feel lonely :( im not as close with the girls. hmmm. i can feel. i really sometimes feel lonely man... fan nao of my studies etc. :)) dont know seh.
for you, i kept making you sad, hurting you once again and again, non-stop. nvr gave you what you wanted. seriously. it's been 1years plus le. you know very clearly of everything..

shall say no more. step by step bah =)) ily babi muackz :DD

2008-03-01T14:20:00.002+08:00

thanks for your everything, babi.
they're all my precious, and i'll treasure them for life.
our life being together, i'll never forget them, as they had became a memories to me.
difficult for me to forget.
they're as important too. you too.
i'll remember and wait for our 8 years yue ding.
hope things go by smoothly.
i love you babi.
thanks for your everything that you had given me. i love them the most.
take care when im not with you, beside you. i'll always take care of you in my heart. it's forever. no regrets being with you. you're the one make me realised what's love, which i'll never forget. :) thanks for accepting me. making me to prove to others that im not a flirt. you contribute alot on me. i really appreciate them man. I LOVE YOU! endlessly.

2008-03-01T14:08:00.002+08:00

i love you darling
i love you babi
i love you hubby
i love you baobei
i love you hubb
i love you laogong
i love you qingai de
i love the presents you gave me, they're forever mine.
i love the letters you wrote to me, they're so touching and loving.
i love you white teeth, which i'll never forget
i love your hug, make me feel warmth.
i love your kiss, make me feel that you're always there for me.
i love your accompany, make me feel that you're always there to protect me.
i love your encouragement and console, make me feel comfortable and better,
nevertheless, i love you forever.

i love my parents
i love my dearest friends, females and males.
i love my siblings, cousins, etc.
i love my grandparents, for sure.
i love and treasure my everything that i had.

thats for all. and i'll treasure my life with no regrets.

2008-03-01T13:52:00.002+08:00

i'm confused now. i don't know what i want, what i can do for the present.
which side do i treasure the most? which one is the most precious to me?
seriously, i've been thinking of these. these things had been following me since last year.
i don't know whether i want to be an angel or a devil?!
how i wish this can be solved as soon as possible by the methods of peacemakers.
i dont want either side to be hurt. yes, i know it'll definitely happen to both sides. but if there is good ways, how i wish i could use them. in exchange with me :/
last night, realised something, which made me unable to sleep well. i seriously hoped that it's not what i'm thinking of now. hope it's not something bad for the truth. i dont want! i dont want my family to be seperated. and i really dont believe he will do such things as i really believe him. PLEASE, HELP!
i dont wish to see anyone sad, hurt, or what so ever. any ideas on it??
why must it when i totally believe you le, putting my heart on you, and there's something bad blocking my way. is it an obstacle to overcome for me once again? shit it man.
sigh.. im so troubled. i love both sides. but i know one day, i'll still have to feel sorry on one of the side. sian... what should i do? i really feel like crying out my heart. i really need it!! :((( im feeling unpeace now. no peace for me. no happiness. no nothing for now. my life is really nothing le.
im sorry ma...
im sorry my darling...
im sorry to everyone...

2008-02-25T19:08:00.003+08:00

recently we'll quarrelled so much is because we love and care for one another too much, liked what you told me. sometimes the things we quarrelling over, i dont understand and clear of it. it's just like, suddenly come out out of nowhere. i hated that the most. like **** can :) hope there's fewer chances for us to quarrel. but quarrel also considered good thing cos of loving deeply. not bad yeah :D
for the sake of you, i'll believe love once more. and, you're more important then my friends from my views. just that, yes, i did hang around with them, i did care and think for them, as they're my friends as i said. i treated all my friends liked that. hee. maybe im kind-hearted or what?! being with them im happy too, got trouble or heart xin shi will find them :) of course, the person i wont forget is YOU! my love on you is deeper than anyone else. but not as deep as my family members and my cousins :X hahahas! sometimes you're real wei da, which im envy of. too bad i cant as i tried le. so sorry.
honestly speaking, whenever i rejected you things, cant fulfill you, im real guilty. this is what i think. i dont know how you'll think. maybe you'll think im thinking for fun, or joking with you. hmmm... dont know how to describe my feelings. only word to describe is 'guilt'. :X i really cant bear to leave you too, even dont daere say that ***** word out. can you see how much i love you? can you really see from your heart and own eyes?
i know you care for me :D and the most among all of them. i can see and feel. for my own sake good. and i do love you my hubby. you're my only one le. no one else can replace you as there's really too much memories btw you and me :D that is real UNFORGETTABLE. i love you weide laogong. :DD

take good care of your health anytime and anywhere. imy now!

2008-02-01T20:08:00.000+08:00

before i go off to malaysia, there's some last sentences that i want to tell you hubby;

seriously, i can't bear to leave singapore, all because of you! i'm just scared of your safety here, your health, your every single thing. i can't be here to protect, take care of you, can't get to know anything about you in TIME, and many many more im worrying of. scared that over these many days, dont know what will actually happened to you, especially your safety! goshh... so many cars around, scared will have accident, CHOI.!! seriously cant put my heart down on you. just that big heavy stone in my heart. talking about last year CNY, because it's just the starting of our relationship, so is like my heart got small, rather light stone. but now, after 1 year passed being with you, the love in my heart on you of course will increase. but nevermind. i'll get more people to protect you on behalf of me. but i wont ask GIRLS to look after you :X seriously scared things will turn on badly. scared you'll fade and change heart. i rather your safety come first than you changing heart. just want you safe thats all! so remember this, be careful of your sefety~!

these few days we had misunderstanding rather alot, but we did able to overcome it. now there's one more thing adding onto your stress, which was your ahma's health. i really hope she's fine. somemore she's old le, somemore she's your only ahma left, i knew if anything gone wrong to her, you'll greatly affected. your second uncle's death already made you like this le, just dont want anything to add onto you. bless that your ahma will be fine! tian xia tai ping~!

and not that i want to find things to quarrel with you. i also dont wish to quarrel with you BUT build up our love. so that i MIGHT be able to go off peacefully. hmmm.. seriously REALLY scared. and i'm quite jealous when you all can celebrate together in singapore with sam they all. i really jealous :X cos got the girls :XX sorry oh. im really afraid. im just jealous this and that. and alot of things. overall, scared you'll fade or change heart. will we be able to celebrate Valentines' Day? will we be able to celebrate our 1year 1month anniversary? goshhh... i HOPE... HOPING... i really love you alot. i know you might think i dont want or fade from you from the way i treat you. outside i looked like that, behaved to you liked that, but i stil love you. muackz. god BLESS!!

Please.! wait for me!

i LOVE you DARLING!!!

2008-01-24T20:06:00.000+08:00

these few days, between me and papa talkings became worst and dao.. sianx.. really very sianx and sad. haishh..
maybe it's my fault not to finish listening to what you want tell me, then i cup my phone. im part of the fault. this is what you all always said to me, and what had always happened to me. not i purposely want you wait downstairs for me for long time. i maybe never listen finish to what you say. thats why.. i seriously dont know. that time i'm cycling, fetching my brother. maybe im being too rude i think. then you all will like scold me. sighh.. i scared that one day, i'll repel. means will quarrel and shout back to you all when you all say me and im not happy with it. then i'll leave house.. im really scared this day will come. i still dont know i'll have the courage to do that or not. but slowly it will if this continues. papa, why you always use that kind of tone talked to us?? rather hurtful though i seldom have the talks with you. but you're still my papa. why didn't you think of our feelings nehh? damn sian man.

and i'm seriously getting STM. i really forgotten what you told me for just that 1 second to help you do something.. not that i show attitude to you la. but why you have to say that sia.. say that like you talk to me, i'll like ignore. maybe these few days i should train my brain. my mind is getting for worst and forgetful.

and im really sad and down now... how i wish... im really scared i'll do something unpleasant to you all. which i really dont want... nevermind. you all dont understand what my mind is thinking of. and... i dont know how to say out my heart either. so please dont ask me..

2008-01-22T18:36:00.000+08:00

im sorry about today. i know at first you're angry with me, thinking that im showing you attitude. but im really not purposely. ya i know you might think im showing attitude. i'll try to change. cos quarreling with you, make me feel bad and sad. and today the whole day, you're like, ignoring me. im so sorry. i feel very sad seh. but i know i shouldn't cos im the one making you first. dui bu qi. will you forgive? i hope so. i hope your love on me still the same that much. scared you're fading away from me, leaving me further away. scared... hope everything will be back to what we wish to be in the future, starting from today. i'll try my best to change. today the last three periods, im having chemistry. when i know you like moodless like that. i wish to run out to find you immediately. i want to anwei you, be there for you. but cant. and somemore my test, sian.. going to fail badly this time even if i studied my test. i just need your anwei too. then after school when i'm accompanying you, you like ignore me la. i know your reason so nevermind :) hee. blad that you're now fine. :DD take care

2008-01-18T19:05:00.000+08:00

i would want to say out every single of my feelings here. maybe it'll really helped me to get less stress, and relax bah. so that my heart wont have a heavy stone to carry around. the feelings ain't good, seriously. it'll be about you, the match, my heart :)
the story begins today, at 11.15am ...

i really did listen to you, pulling my shirt down, and be careful of my skirt when squoting down to do my table. until now, i saw myself changing le. you might not realised that. but i realised myself. when i bend down, i cover up my shirt. i seriously also dont like to zhao geng, or like people to see me like that. im not such an open girl. you know your girlfriend well, Laogong. i'm sorry that i showed attitude to you, when you're trying to show concern on me. but i need to explain to you that, at that period of time, my mind is really stressed up. hmmm... somemore is after my test. and my class was like so noisy, plus you talked to me. can't really heard what you're trying to say. but i recognised your mouth, telling me ' your shirt your shirt'. sighh.. i really very fan dao by the noise of the environment. not that i show you attitude cos that i dont love you, or i hate you telling me that sentences once again, etc. i know you'll think the negative side. i'm sorry.

secondly, about you with zhanyi and andrew coming to my class, looking for PA boys. when i'm sitting at the side, i kept looking outside the class, looking for you. but maybe you hide or what, i dont know. but i only saw andrew and zhanyi. when at first i never saw you with them, i thought got only andrew and zhanyi there. so i never think so much about it. but... you all walked along the F&N cookery room, i saw you. my heart totally shagged.. my heart told me that you're going to ignore me le. thinking of many many negetive things. cant even concentrate on my studies. this feeling, i HATE it! then kept looking you, you're walking further and further away from me, and saw you the last sight when you walked till the end to the com lab. then you disappeared. i know you're not in mood to look at me. i can understand your feelings. i know i cant achieved what you really want from me. i'll try... but i hope you wont add on my stress le. cos im really stress now. cos, i kept on skipping lesssons, missed alot of lessons le. i can feel that i cant catch up with my class. tournament, tournament, tournament... i'm now starting to be afraid le. really scared. i need your words, your convince, your anwei, your everything..

thirdly, i did walk pass your class. just that, your head is turned the other way round. thats why you never see me. but at that moment of time when i see you, you're happily talking with zheng yuan they all. i do feel glad. cos i know i'm unable to cheered you up that time. maybe only them can help me with cheering you up. and also, i walked pass your class, just want to see you, before i go for my match. just to see you. see you a sight, im satisfied. that's called 'the power of love'. in the canteen when im eating, actually got pamela pei'ed me at first, and only get here beside me. but slowly, reeve come to the table cos he saw pamm, then add on add on to so many guys. when andrew they all here, i asked them you sad is it? they say ya. hmmm... and, not is i go find the guys and sit together with them, really not me.. when im eating, i kept looking at the stairs, hope will be able to see you on time, before i leave school. and need your encouragement. and when im eating, i never saw you walked pass me and sit behind me. when i turned back, your facial expression already tell me the truth. in school, it's really very difficult to cheer you up using mouth to talk and words. really difficult. i know you well. cheering you up, not only use those methods. still got other ways which i know myself. but i use mouth to cheer you up, but failed. i know when you see pamm and reeve saying goodbye, you jealous. on the other hand, im only saying bye to you. sighh.. when that period of time, before i leave school, i keep looking at you you you.. but the same same facial expression. it seriously hurt me. sian.. why you never come cheer me up? i know you sad. and i also sad. nothing else i can do......... and do you know, i'm being affected by your emotions. from the time i saw you in school, all the way to the end of match, my mood is all the way down. you see my laughing, cheering, during the match, all are just trying to cheer myself up. when the time when i saw you up there, directly look infront, is YOU. during the match, half way during the match, i think of the past incident. i ren myself not to cry in the court. i keep looking at you, your face :) make me abit happy rather.. when during coach talks with us after the match, before she talked to us, i serioously feel like crying out man. cry out feel better. cos there are points which i shouldn't lose. the points died in my hand. i very sad. and coach say, win a match for her, as a present before she leave singapore. but i failed.. not that im blaming myself other than the other players. is that, i can't make it to what coach wanted. and i regretted. really regretted. when coach talked to us, and she cried, i then started to cry out. and also cos she's leaving, thats why i cry. im really very down tt time..

im so glad that today got no training in school, thinking that after everything, go out walk shop with you. pei'ed with you. but.. not what im thinking. and i thought you wouldn't mention about the incident in school de thing. and thought that when im down, you'll cheered me up cos you saw me crying for coach. anyway nevermind. i also failed to anwei you up. it's the one year anniversary being with you, but also the first time ignoring you in the quarrel. paiseh. tt time im really pekchek, down, emo, etc. i know you too.. i dont have the courage to do anwei you. i cant do it. do you know that when 2 person is sad at the same time, but 1 person have to take one step in front to convince that person, it's really difficult. why i at first never anwei you first, cos i need somemore time for myself to calm down, when feeling better, than anwei you up. but in the bus, when im almost calming down, you add on words. thats why drag drag drag on.. till the very end in library. then when im feeling better, thats why i try to anwei you. which i succeeded.

DLing, can you think carefullyfirst before we quarrel? or what de? if you cant, it;s okay. i wont want to add on your stress le. really dont want you cos of my, your studies all gone case. cos i feel guilty. cos you say everytime when i make you sad, you'll emo in class, unable to concentrate. i dont know how to prevent this from happening. i keep telling myself, dont quarrel with you, cannot quarrel or make you sad, cos really scared will affect you :( i dont want your future to die in my hand. cos alot of things already died in my hand le. i want to let it off all! i really dont want. i dont want 2 person to be stressed up cos of relationship at this very important year. please, try to focus more on your studies. though im your girlfriend, but you're in school studying NOW!

take care le. loving you-

2008-01-09T20:11:00.000+08:00

hohohohohoooo...
we're back to normal le hubby. wish that no more small matter quarrels. cos it's really harsh! hate that feelings anyway.
i know im part of the fault. not totally you actually.
no matter what, i still love you. you can feel it.
previously, i dao to you, is my fault. i'll change de. i shouldn't be like this to you. when you're my steady la! hehe.
loving you...
all the best for your N'level. :D mauckz.

2008-01-07T18:04:00.001+08:00

bored.. bored.. bored...
sian.. sian.. sian...
this year gonna be a REAL boring year. sigh...
in my life for this year, there'll be only o'level.. o'level.. o'level...
somehow like no excitement. sian sia...
no more joy.. nothing le..
who can bring me some joy..

concentrate on studying.. studying.. studying...
hope this aweful 2008 year, mouse year, will pass fast :/

2008-01-05T18:20:00.000+08:00

sigh....
why like this again... say wont wont wont...... in the end still like this this...
sian. so tired tired now. whole body pain..
haish... why you dont understand my heart? how i wish... sighhh..
fucking cheebye hell... sianx arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... i feel like... sianx sian......

2007-12-28T16:59:00.000+08:00

today i said to you those words, are really from my heart. i've never said to any of my steads of that. i feel myself so direct to you. is like got a very close feeling with you. closer than anyone else. you understand my more than anyone else. those words i said are true. im just too honest to you. after you, i wont be having anymore of relationship. somemore my parents, i know they wont allow. yes, im quite tired of having secret relationship. if want to be fair to you, i'll wait till i can have relationship, then come back find you. then from there, we shall see if we really have the fate once more to be together again. i'll always be there for you, waiting for you to be back to mine. i do really hope we'll be back again. but is like so long, i really dont know really can or not. it's rather difficult. there's always a fear in my heart. dont know how to express and say it out. dont know how long we can last.. it's like so confusing. ask me dont think, i cant. dont know why recently really dont have any mood to do anything. scared i'll become quieter and quieter. ever since i think of breaking with you, but scared to lost you, scared i'll not used to it, scared of o'level, i realised i treasured you even more, thinking of you even more, loving you deeply. there's still many years, people's character will change. i hope you really wont change. really scared of thinking the future. it's so confusing..
im now so tired, confused, complicated.
DLing, you dont think about what i said today to you. and you'll be my last stead. i really want to stay single, and wait for the years to pass.. and see you soon...

i......
love you..

2007-12-28T16:35:00.000+08:00

you're the one, who made me believe once more in love.
you're the one, who made me understand and experience more about love.
you're the one, i'll be waiting for in the future.
you're the one, who had given me secure, which not everyone can feel it.
you're the one, whom i trusted the most among all steads.
you're the one, who had given me a chance to express out my love on you.
you're the one, whom i love the most until now.
you're the one, who will always be there for me.
you're the one, who will support in my any decisions.
you're the one, who had given my heart to you.
you're the one, who made me believe in forever love, even if we broke, which is our yue ding.
you're the one, who had given me the courage to wait for you for the future many years.
and i know i can do it. just waiting for you only one.
you'll be my only and last boyfriend i have for the entire life.
you'll be the one who will be in my heart first position forever.
you'll be the one whom i'll always remember in my entire life.
the happy memories being with you, the places we've gone to together, the food we've eaten together, etc.
you'll be my forever love DLing. i just can't bear no matter what.

you're the best, 欧阳伟德

2007-12-20T17:44:00.000+08:00

DLing, i really really LOVE you very much. :D
whenever being with you, always very happy de.
even sad, also sad infront and cry in front of you. with your shoulder relay on.
isn't it very comfortable :D
i'm not very sure our 約定still can make it. but no matter what, i stil believe it will :)
like alot of confident on it. hmmm. why? :)

you always asked me why i will fall in love on you. even when at first i started to know you, that feeling isn't as strong as know. maybe cos so many months, reaching 1year annivasary, our love starting to build up, stronger and stronger.
i start to love you is cos, you're different from other guys. though you got attitude, fierce, lame, pettyful, and many many more bad points. (when it's not that many luh). but the way you treat me is better than other more guys. being with you, is like feel free, bully you, joke with you, play with you, you'll also 配合. playing along. when i know you like not purposely to do that, cos you're somehow the same personality as me. thats why we get along well, resulting in building up love. you can sacrifice for me while i sometimes can't. which is part of an unfairness to you, this is what i think :p my thinking still haven change. falling in love with you, i'll never regret in my life. this will be best, sweetest relationship you've given me. your heart, giving up your friends and almost every single things. and i do appreciate them, though i know im not as good as you, given up everything. it's gonna be a wonderful memories. though we've gone through many obstacles, the worst quarrel and happiest day. every seconds being with you, there's always more smiles than cries or sadness. so it's rather wonderful. i know i cant give you the most wonderful memories, eg. like what steads always do, eg. going out openly, shopping etc. when both of us get matured, my parents a prove me of having bf when i've to concentrate on my studies while you too oh~!! over the years, you'll have to concentrate on your studies, get good results. of course, we'll still continue our contact, no disconnection in between unless unpleasant things come etc. you're the one whom i given the trust on, my heart, love, and everything. though there're unhappiness for that period of time, for the longest time ever, 7 days, without break in between, do you still rmb this? although that happened, but i still dont regret at all, until now. there's always few secrets between two of us, it's gonna be a forever secret between only you & me. no one else, even when you grown up, found another girl, dont tell her anything about our secrets :p opps* i abit bad. no matter how is it, there's still a worry in my heart, is that we'll really make it for the 9/10 years 約定. but just dont think too much. when there's fate between us, we'll still meet at that time. studies always come first :) i'll never forget you, this Laogong de. forever memories. muackz.

anyway, still have to 委屈 you being with me. can't have a real relationship, though i brought to you happiness. i know you'll tell me that im not dragging you along, but my thinking still cant change :X hehe. IF there's a day that we're unable to continue this relationship, do rmb that i'll still be your side, supporting you, anwei you, got anything also can come find me, even your studies or problems or you're looking for someone to share with your sadness. i'll always be there for you. every single seconds. my love on you will always be in my heart. get well for your results always. you're smart de :p LAOGONG, wo ai ni

these are from my heart. dont know why today suddenly want say out everything. which is goody de. hehe~ muackz muackz loving you always in my heart. you're the best, qing ai de!

2007-12-18T17:14:00.000+08:00

talking about today's training, damn disappointed and sad luh.
& for me and you*, no hope le bah. partnered with you to play volleyball, not as happy as before i hurt my back. maybe you and siti will be better. i shall move back a step. and for your attitude, still never change. though the way you talk to me, might be joking, but you joked till too much le bah. when playing team formation, at least i feel better cheering up sharon~! :D today coach never come, is like training equals to nothing. during training keep laughing. haiyo! what will our ex-exseniors think of us sia. somemore is my responsibility. they helped us train, while like what the hell we doing la. can't even receive ball properly -.- while my serving & spiking also sarks le. but i'll try my very best to improve back to my standard or better for the sake of the team & DLing~!! i know im stupid to do for the sake of volleyball team, but no choice, i choose it. and i still dont regret can le. :) and DLing is right. huiJi still the closest to me, no matter how long we never together, or meet up. she's better :X but nevermind la. abit no confident for next year tournament. step by step. cant plan for anything... all the best only :p luckily for DLing to say out my feelings, if not will only tell my secret blog :p at least feel better than at first :D
my juniors, got our xi bao, gene. we sometimes dont communicate & bla~, they still the same. LOL...

2007-12-13T17:57:00.000+08:00

today, coach talked to all seniors, about our attendance.
hmmm... then she read out the top to the bottom people.
means those whose attendance top de, then all the way bottom.
hmmm... then is me and weiLing read last. she said about me and her.
sigh... i felt very ashame and sad la.
me as a captain, attendance like shit. like hell. suit to be a captain meh???
sian sia. from coach's yan shen towards me, somehow can tell something le bah.
because i got boyfriend? she might think i'm an obediant girl, which is only the past of me. NOT the present anymore le...
she always use that sentense to say me when i need to go off early?!! i know she's just joking with me :) i took part of her joke seriously. is like, everything became like that le. changed le...
the way she looked at me changed too.
i also dont know why i care so much about her looking at me?? asked me to ignore her or what so ever, i can't seh.
why volleyball become so important to me?? is like love it so much la.

the 3 conditions that they want as a player to have, i'll have them all by these few weeks.
after i recover, i'll win back every single thing.
since laogong already let me off abit le, then i must zhen qu it. train hard. chiong back to my standard.
never want let them think i cos of stead slack de la.

2007-12-06T23:14:00.000+08:00

from today, i then started to realise how important you're to me.
i've relied on you, can't have without you.
你已是我最依靠的人
when i'm walking alone home or wherever, for quite a distance, i'll think of you, the first one.
i'm used to your pei and chat on phone.
even though only chat on phone, i'm also happy. just that simple.
i'm so not used to it when you never chat with me can.?!

&& also realised one thing. dont know good or bad luh.
whenever i need your encouragement of words or anwei the most, you're always busy or doing with something else.
which make me dont dare to let you know something else =XX
but you'll still get to know de. cos i tell you whatever i know :DD hehe
i also dont dare to interrupt you oh. no worries.

2007-12-02T19:55:00.000+08:00

in the morning && afternoon, both of us are going fine.
when i'm damn happy and hyper even though just woke up.
hearing your voice, i have the confident that we wont ever like the past anymore.
unfortunately, after saying that im only going out with huiLi but not you, situations started to change.
what a weird thing yeah?!!
it seems like the god is making fool of us. hahaha!!!
we still dont know well each other. though had been many months after.
but no matter what, i still believe we wont keep quarrelling those kind of people.
you lost trust in this relationship le bah i guess?!
nevermind. as long as i never can le.
haish...
what else to say leh? what else to do leh? what else to want leh? sianx... life is getting boring. end?? yes no?? hahahahaaaaa

2007-12-01T15:44:00.000+08:00

i'm so bored now :(( wondering what you doing now?
why recently you never online? and can't find you chat.
i dont dare msg you to online la. sorry oh.
cos i scare later ask you online, then never talk to you and keep quiet. then will start to quarrel or you'll scold me. so nvm la.

sigh, today quarrel again. haish.
from your tone, you seems to be frustrated and irritated by me le bah.
i not purposely to do that to you. i know im wrong.
im really very scared if these continue on, we might fade.
if like this how can we bear for so many years and last long?!
but anyway i'm the one who make these out myself. sigh. i feeling sad and lonely now.
who can chat out my xin shi? i really need you now.i dont think i have the right to say that...
im scared. my heart is sourish. sian leh. life is boring.
are we reallt starting to fade? you might be abit sian of me. things seems to be changing recently.
but what am i supposed to do.
im trapped in the darkness of nowhere. please, save me out. i want some brightness.

im sorry to keep like this to you. haish. im starting to think im not at all a good gf.
concerns on you is have. jokes with you also have.
but... sacarstism on you have bah. you'll starting to find out that i keep saying words to suan on you. making you sad, hurt your heart. i realised it myself. im getting overboard. i feel sorry. i'll change.
AND i promised to you just yesterday that quarrels wont ever happened to us again. even if yes, i'll control or what so ever shit. promises are not gonna to be trusted to you le i guess. im feeling very down now. sighhh... where are you??
am i very bu yao lian when after quarrel say i miss you?! from my thinking, i think i did. somemroe im the one who made it. arrrrrrrr!!!! guan ying niang niang...

2007-11-29T18:50:00.000+08:00

Why Why Why like this again :'((
i really dont want. im really very scared le.
i hate that. seriously hate that. but why can't i control me fucking emotion!
i dont want to regret in the end. i dont want to regret doing anything.
sigh... what's actually going wrong here??
how am i going to find the solution?? where is it?? what to do??
i know there's always a better and good solution where both of us will agree in.
but... but... WHAT??
why choose to be like this? WHY WHY??
when think of the future, i know it's gonna be a harsh and hurtful future!!
when you mention about it, i really very sad.
when saying that cant spend time on you or what, i really feel like crying.
haishhhh.......
i really love you very deep! REALLY!
how am i going to buy your trust? your whole heart and emotions?
i know i can't always give up volleyball training and come pei you.
i know after the 2 weeks, there's lesser time to pei you.
i know you want to treasure the present cos of the bad future.
i know and i really know!
but for me, i just cant. to me volleyball means vball.
i know you see me pick balls very kelian. i know they wont appreciATE.
i know my goal is to win next year match, which i've lesser confident le.
i need you to anwei me, which i needed the most!
whatever i made a decision on, or what. the first i'll thought of is YOU!
the first one to flash through my mind!
i also got think of the consequences faced, your sadness, your emotions.
I DID! but i know i stil can't change my attitude or decision.
i had had tried my very best to seperate my schedule in school && you.
yes, i always think that after pei'ed you, then i can an xin go my other things le.
but it seems doesn't work le. i'm not the type of girl you want seriously.
im not the girl who can totally sacrifice for you?!
im not the girl who can give up every single thing cos of stead?!
&& many more.
i now really feeling down le. as the same sentence, i've no one to pei me chat xin shi le. other than you. if no you le, everything is gonna be refresh...

hearing from my brother that my mum said i got boyfriend. i totally sad diao and pekchek.
WHY?? why mummy like this?? even though that's the truth, but at least have some trust on me. i know i did many wrong things to you all. i feel very guilty as a daughter too. seeing you all work so hard, papa come home late, do OT. seeing him the tiring face, im also heart pain. i feel so sorry... who can understand my heart?!!
im really sorry mummy papa. i'll repay one day for you all. will let you all have happy life and not xin ku life. wont let you all work and have relaxing life. I SWEAR TO THE GOD! i wont throw you all away when i grow up!! SWEAR!!

overall,
sorry to laogong && mama papa

2007-11-27T18:38:00.000+08:00

onceeee upon a time,,,,,,,,,, there lives a long loving couples....
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living happily evevr af ter :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

crazzzzyyyy foooooooooollll...hahahshahhaahahhahshhaaaaaaa............/?s/as'd'qedczq32R TGB BB JIO

2007-11-27T18:34:00.000+08:00

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2007-11-27T18:15:00.001+08:00

scratch to death will be better i guess.
today we quarrel over the same matter again, volleyball.
yes, i know i'm very damn idiot stupid to pick balls. it looks idiot.
yes i know! i can tell and understand that. but yes, im very stubborn and still continue doing that.
i can only stand there running walking around helping them to pick balls.
yes, im tired of picking balls.
i helped them to train, which im happy with it.
i know you dont want to have a stupid laopo.
but you ask me not to go there to help out, i cant control myself doing that.
my dream is to win the next year tournament, when we, volleyball never even won once in the match. not even once!
now i cant train le, i would want to help them out, train them for next year. at least me, as a captain, cant play for next year, but i did put in effort on them. there's always a chance they can win. im happy. yes, im really very stupid to help them out. when they really wont feel glad and thanks for me.
hearing you said that, i do realised im stupid le. i know you do care for me. dont want me to do those stupid things. but i seriously really cant :(( if not i would have stop going since the first time i go help. going volleyball is also an excuse of leaving my house. i want pei you, be with you. if few days i never go out and pei you, while i stay at home, you'll be the one sad but not me sianx. me at home for whole day im already used to it. but you need me to pei, if not both of us gonna sad again. yes, i want to see you also...
seeing them play happily, cant join in with them the fun, i really feel very left out. and im very sad... but at least some of them talk to me, i can feel that im still part of the team. i know you would say you would want me rather be with you than them.. sianx ar sianx!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how can we settle down???

2007-11-26T21:09:00.001+08:00

i misses you so much.
whethere you're beside me or not, im okay with it.
but just want to hear your voice, chat with you :DD
without you, i'll be lonely.
im starting to relay on you one NOW! hehe.
can't leave me my darling mauckz.
whenever im bored or lonely, the first one i'll thought of is YOU,AuYongWeiDe! :DDD
you'll be my only one inside my heart. i really wont change heart.
whatever it is, i just need you.

don't know why suddenly i feel like writing all these

just for writing my darling~

i Love you Deep!

2007-11-20T18:06:00.001+08:00

darling,

actually im now still very sad :((( i need your anwei all sorts. i dont know why i like this?! haishh... very very down now. who can give me a way out of this? sometimes really dont know what went wrong between us?? i needed you now most. cos is like no one i can talk to other than you. maybe cos i sedom look up for them to chat with xin shi but you only one. sianx ar sianx...

now i slowly think, i really cant give you what, im sorry to say these thing again. i know if i say these again you'll sure be angry with me le. im sorry to say again.
1. i cant sacrifice much for you. not till the limit you want.
2. cant spend all my time on you.
3. have to pei my friends rather than you.
4. cant really know what's in your heart.
5. dont know what you really want from me.
please dont be angry with me when you see these :(( i just want say out. DARLING!! i..i..i...i...i... dont know what to say...

2007-11-20T18:02:00.000+08:00

today quarrelled with darling again :(((
sigh... all cos of me. but some parts i still dont understand :(((
haishhh... what should i do??
what things can prevent us from like this again??
these things had not been solved since the day we steaded.
gonna solve it as soon as possible.
i dont want these such small matters to easily break our heart.
is like wth. Not Worth At All.

unsolvable mistery

2007-11-18T14:45:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry about yesterday incident.
i seriously regretted. today is our anniversary but i made you sad yesterday.
hmmm...
i understand your feelings & i know i shouldn't had did that.
anyway, say all these also no use le i know.
i try infuture dont like this le.

every night before i go for sleep, i'll keep thinking of you.
misses you lots.
&& your horny expression.
i'm addicted to it. how?? OMG. hehe.
but i still love you. && you're mine my darling~

believe me, i won't do sorry things to you

i need your trust && everything

i love you deeply

wanting to get your forgiveness

i know you'll keep thinking of that.

2007-11-15T16:25:00.000+08:00

today whole day pei'ed darling :)
had breakfast too at 10+.
early morning woke up at 6.55am & bathe all that.
then left house at 7.30am le.
seeing darling haven msg'ed me, so i dare not disturb him & waited for him near his hse.
&& saw his jiejie.
sitting at the round table seeing newspaper & see whether got jobs ma.
waited for dont know how long and he called :) finally.
cos im scared too sitting at that place. hmmm.
blabla :DD the most horny-iest day ever after =XX
do you know what darling?! =XXX
then we called for most of the jobs from newspaper but failed :((
then 2++ i went home, darling pei'ed me :DD

you'll be mine from the beginning of 18o1o7

&& today

you know the reason why

it's between me and you de secret

can't let anyone else know

i won't let go of you easily

you can't love or like or admire any other girls

because no matter what, i'll still be very sad

you can't leave me because of her

i love you truly

2007-11-14T19:16:00.000+08:00

ever since, i can't forget the yan shen you looked at her.
i dont know my sense is correct or not.
im just scared :(
im scared to lose you. i really dont want you leave me.
whenever i think of that, i'll started to get emo and mood down.
thats why sometimes you might think i mood swing.
tdy early morning you said you think i tdy very weird. like something goes wrong.
your sense is correct de.
sigh* i scared that after saying out, things gonna change.
i thought of this very long on whether to tell you honestly what my heart is thinking.
but i'm fear too.
i might be thinking too much le.
you might think i dont trust you. but your yan shen... :(
sigh. darling!! what if you really really leave me cos of her?!?!
i dont want really dont want ar!!!
:'(
hope you understand what i'm thinking of.
and forgive me...

2007-11-14T18:58:00.001+08:00

hope things get better and get back to normal
dont know will be the same as the past
here i dont know what else to write le.

see ya

&& i still love you that much!

honestly.

believe me

2007-11-12T19:53:00.000+08:00

was a happy day today :)
pei'ed my darling for dont know how many hours can?!
hoho!!
weide darling, you're fortunate man! =pp
from 8+am till 3+. almost whole day. but not until evening la.
hahas. played && had breakfast && lunch together,
ate till bao~~~ && became pig =X
hehe

2007-11-10T17:45:00.001+08:00

sigh. feeling so sad & down now :((
i seriously cant find out the solution to solve the problems between us.
maybe recently my attitude become worst le.
but i'll change and control & will be back to the past of me.
try not to talk or shout in a loud voice.
but i called you the 2nd time, is cos you sound very sad in the msg.
thats why i want call you and try to anwei you.
is like i also cant go find you straight cos i really cant.
but only to use my mouth and patient to calm you down.
:((( haishhhh......
what actually happened?? how long will this last??
when you're sad, i would want to pei you, accompany you to calm you down.
but i failed i guess so...hearing you hurt your tumb, i really very xintong you know??
where had i gone wrong?
is it you or me changed? what had happened to our relationship?

2007-11-10T09:36:00.000+08:00

yesterday, when huiJi told me that coach said jingLing set at least better than me.
after hearing this, i abit sad la.
cos is like coach trained me for setter, i did set better le.
but for jingLing, she never trained setter but at least set better than me.
feel like my effort wasted somehow.
but nevermind :) being a spiker also good. this had been my wish.

had a bit of quarrel with darling :(
cos of just a job && talkings.
hmmm...
hope next time wont like this again le bah.
99% of happiness && 1% of sadness. hehe
i love you so much hubby muackz =p
about job, just step by step only.

2007-11-08T20:15:00.000+08:00

i'm really happy going out with you at least :)
though got so many light bulb, but i'm still willing.
hehe :X abit bad lah. but anyway is me here got problem de.
if not, we're able to go out as a couple, just both of us. is me...
but i never sad. dont think too much.
seeing those couples hugging each others waist, holding hands openly,
do you know i feel jealous?! =X
hmmm. i dont know how long i'll have to wait for this day to come.
how i wish...
hehe.
love you deeply and only one. wont love other guys le. muackz.
you'll be my forever...

2007-11-07T20:00:00.000+08:00

my mood, me heart is feeling so damn down.
sigh...
i dont know what im fan'ing about seh.
scared of this, scared of that. but also dont know what to do.
i scared if i really let off abit, really will let go everything...
but if i dont let off, im like controlling you.
arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i feel like crying ar!!!
this scene always flashing through. haish

2007-11-07T18:38:00.000+08:00

i suddenly feel so sad.
before you telling me you maybe going there to work, i kept telling you to go there work all that.
sigh.
i very fan arhhh...
after hearing you say your last sentence that you most likely going work there,
i moodless diao sia.
outside my heart, i keep telling you to work there, dont cos of me bla bla...
but inside my heart, im damn sad lah.
but maybe this time im doing the right thing.
dont cos of me better. follow your heart and do your things.
haishhhhh....
cos of a fcuking job, everything become like this.
FCUK sia!!

2007-11-05T19:01:00.000+08:00

i dont know when then you'll be able to see this letter from me & my heart.
let the fate and the god to plan.

i love you

to my beloved darling

2007-11-05T18:31:00.000+08:00

darling,

what's actually wrong with you? you seems to change after the chalet. :( i really scared you'll leave and fade away from me. sigh. i tried my best to give you everything you requested. i felt that i had really spend more time with you than my friends le. but how come you still dont feel it? :( or maybe that's not really what you want & not enough for you. sigh. i did my best to stay this relationship. i know you did too. both parties did the best le. but still, one of them still have to make way. && we also sacrificed to stay together. these 9 months, both of us had bitterness, happiness, sadness, sacrificed, etc. more till uncountable. that's why we're able to stay till so long. obstacles and obstacles come in and go. it's like continuous seh. hope that we're able to overcome it. then our love will get strong. hope so...

sometimes i dont know the reason why we quarrel. is like abit confusing lah. i dont know how long we'll be able to stay together. i can't bear to leave you, and you too. but one of us might change heart or get tired of one another and say byebye & just leave. if not, the reason to leave maybe cos of some problems then forced to leave. if this happened on me, i guess i'll still love you but not saying out to anyone. act as if i dont like you anymore. & let you give up me :( sigh. what a bad scene and incident. i dont have the right to hold onto you, tieing you to me forever, pulling you along with me, cos you're not my hubby any longer. but in my heart, i'll still be scared that you'll change heart, scared of many many things.

i dont regret being with you. never had i thought of that. i admit sometimes when we quarrel seriously, i'll think of letting you go. so that both of us won't be hurt any longer. but that thinking is just temporily and awhile. after that, slowly think back, you're important to me. everything sad or happy things, first one to find you. you're like my heart, knowing every of my feelings. for my friends, i sometimes do chat and talk with them. cos we're females. easier to chat too. like what you did with rene, sam, your kor. they're your closest le.

you know why i love you so much? more than my friends, family, etc? maybe cos i spend more time with you, you pei me more. though sometimes we cant meet, we still chat and talk. these help to build up love. i love you not cos you always pay money for me, buy & spend things on me. im not this kind of person. i love your heart, character, care, the way you teng me. i know you have attitude & sometimes you attitude on me. but i sometimes also will like this. but recently never le. you're different from my ex, and you're good to me. you always say you dont worth to have me, my concern and care for you, BUT it just worht too much for me. and when you said you dont worth to have me, im realy really very sad. being for so long, i start to dare to give and put in more love on you, then in the end you said these. this sentence make me think that you're going to leave me le... im very scared. im having phobia on that sentence.

though we easily quarrel, but my heart still love you so much. dont know why. i seriously cant let you go from my hand off. there are happy memories being with you. though there are sad memories also la :) but they're still important to me. and until now, the sad && happy memories are glued in my heart. after some thinkings, i find out that in my heart, you're placed in the first position. though sometimes i spend time with my friends, unable to sacrifice for you.

i want tell you one thing. sometimes, sacrifice for a person wont help and wont build up the love. when sacrifice, both of them must be happy. if the person who want to sacrifice, he/she was not as happy, then it's not call love le. doing whatever things, both of us must be happy, then no quarrels and sad will happen le. thats why i always ask you you happy? shuang ma? i still have to ask for your decision. all things can be solve. as long as we solve it together, no obstacles can break us apart.

overall, i still have to let you know that
I Love You My Darling

2007-10-29T09:07:00.001+08:00

welcome to my blog =)